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.mariat.More than photos, and more than bla-bla-bla! For my loved ones... 9/5/2008 Bananas Fritas..Or the chronicles about living everywhere but home.
They say "Home is where the heart is". But, what if you're carrying your heart around? What if you lose it down the way? What if you don't even know where you left it.
I've been out for a long time (not for a long long one, though). So much has happened, so many thoughts unposted, so many new "first times" enjoyed. So many new people in my life. Moments worthy to keep thinking about.
It's a new life out here, but I wonder if it's a new MT living it too.
I've laughed, I've cryed, I've got my soul out in this past year. I've been so happy. I've been so misserable... but I've lived, and I appreciate it. My own heart is now smaller, since I've left some everywhere I've been. I've shared it with so many persons that have won a piece of it. And some of those pieces have just flyed away with the wind when no one took them... but I've lived, and I appreciate it.
I look back, I often look back, and I'm happy.
Bananas fritas... Fried bananas is an experience, it's a thought, it's a memory of mine, of how you look for a piece of your home everywhere you go; or at least, how you try to take a piece of it down the way. It's when you try to fry bananas 'coz you don't have sweet plantains!!! Of course, then you have two options: either you cry of deception, or you laugh about it! (because at least, then you know bananas are good flamed and not fried! but actually, I also learned that several months after, here in China).
So... the big question is: How do you learn to cope with that? (whitout dying on the try). I still don't know. I don't have the answer. I might have lost my bet, as I lost my heart months ago, with all those who left... or I just got stucked in a moment.
But no, once again, not everything is lost... 'Coz I'm still here. Living China after all.
-MT
9/4/2008 She don't want nobody nearIt's been a while away from here, I know. And it's been a thousand thoughts without being posted. But once again, I'm in my "Counting Crows" mood... and as usually, I thought it was (somehow) necessary (for some -inexisting- reason) to post this song, as a declaration of my current transition mood... or just my mood.
Just for the record: long live to Adam Duritz' misspell of english, it just makes the song "haoting" (good to listen) how we say in chinese, and long live to his sad sad honesty, that just keeps draining out my thoughts.
"She Don't Want Nobody Near" by Counting Crows She don't want nobody near But you can't get away from that They appear and disappear And they all get a string attached Pretty soon they got you hanging on a line Pretty soon they're singing one by one the same old rhyme They say, "I'm alright, I just can't get home tonight" She don't want nobody home Cause it's a little too crowded then But she don't wanna be alone So they just keep pouring in Pretty soon they have her headed for the door She comes home to find that they're not hanging round no more She says, "I'm alright, you just can't get home tonight" Don't you wonder what she looks like in the light? She says, "I'm alright, I just can't get home tonight" Pretty whitewashed lies Endless alibis And reasons that need cleaning every night Half a world away You can't wash away the stain of the deceiving And the things that you cannot believe, and well... She don't want no one around Cause she don't want anybody to see What she looks like when she's down Cause that's a really sad place to be Pretty soon she gets them crawling up the walls Then she wonders why they beg her please to never call She says, "I'm OK. It's alright.Hey, look who's on TV tonight" She says, "I'm alright, I just can't get home tonight" Don't you wonder why it's dark outside at night? She says, "I'm alright, I just can't get home tonight" 3/5/2007 La lettre au feu...
2/21/2007 Swallowed in the sea"You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself, I can only blame myself, you can only blame me..."
A stomach ache in my brain (¿?)...I've always thought one should never have too much time to think for so many days. When you have no other company than your memories, old movies, and pictures, but "melancholy" is not the word to describe it. How do you call missing everything and everyone (even those you hate)...is it just boring?
A stomach ache in my brain, funny (and weird) but true. 1/5/2007 Closing times...Yes, I know this is a previous post but...so much has taken place till now in my life. It suits perfectly to the moment, even better than before. So thx... -MT Finally...moving on
Today I woke up differently. I came to think that I don’t want to feel the pain and I deserve a chance to live. Without the hurt. Without the grief. So I’m going to let you go. No, you’ll never leave my heart, nor my mind – I think you’ve got your imprint on my soul. But I am going to let go of the notion that you are here for me. No, not anymore. I will unchain you from myself, and I will accept the fact that you no longer love me – you haven’t for a long time, anyway. I will stop myself from crying, because I know you’re not there to wipe my tears this time. I am alone now. I cannot do all things, so I should stop making you notice me. I know your head is turned to someone else. I won’t have you running in my mind. I won’t let the thoughts of you disturb my heart. No, I won’t deny things. Nor would I be angry. You’re gone, and there’s nothing I can do about it. You don’t love me now – you never did, I think. So, I’m erasing you out of my life, scrubbing you off my skin, washing you out of my system. It’s time for me to move on. I know. Without you. Starting today, I’ll step out of the hazy world I’m keeping myself cooped up. I’m afraid, but I’ll make it. I’ve lived before without you, I can still do it today. When you left I’ve died a little. But now, I woke up and I find that I can still put back the pieces of my life. You won’t affect me. Never more. // Originally posted by Twinx @ at "My life as I see it" 12/19/2006 The Edgar's Gnocchi StoryOk, ok...So the score is Edgar 1, and Me 0!
So past sunday we were cooking (actually, I was) and he kindly helped me out to make the exquisite Gnocchi* of Yuca (Tapioca to others), an original creation of my dear grandma' Concetta. Hmmm, good pasta, good!
But, look at that shape! LOOK! those curly shaped gnocchi. Look at those well made wrinkles, that only could had been made with his improving "by-side" method. Taking care this way of leaving the exact ammount of space between the curve of each gnocco, in order to be able to soak in the salsa when served. But it's likely important indeed, to notice how the wrinkles stay itact even after the cooking process; a very difficult achievement for an apprentice.
Therefore, the whole thing is that: HE WON! Exactly like that, so he won and my mother chose his gnocchi over mines! That's what it is all about, his gnocchi were better.
End of the story...and I kept promise, I posted it.
-MT
P.D.: Happy sweety?
 *Gnocchi: (ñoqqui) A kind of pasta hand-made with the help of forks, or special curly tables. Originally made of potatos, they have a shape similar to sea worms. Very rich in proteines and carbohidrats. Little portions are enough for big eaters.
12/16/2006 Excuse me, coming thru...Yeah, yeah, right, I know...It's been kind of isolated in here.
Just have to know, I'm coming thorugh, that's it!
I'll be back, soon I hope. I'm waiting... ¿?...just waiting. 8/20/2006 The Love Letterby Cathleen Shine
Dearest, Do you know how much in love with you I am?
Did I trip? Did I stumble? Lose my balance? Graze my knee? Graze my heart? I know I'm in love when I see you. I know when I long to see you. I'm on fire. Not a muscle has moved. The air is still. The leaves hang in the trees. There's no breeze. I have fallen in love without taking a step. You're all wrong for me and I know that, but I can no longer care for my thoughts unless they're thoughts of you. I look away from you sometimes, then I look back. I feel your hair touch my cheeks when it does not. When I peel an orange, tie my shoe, drive my car,
when I lie down each night without you. I remain, -1999 8/5/2006 What (most) women wantEn una breve conversación, un hombre le pregunta a una mujer: Ella se quedó un momento callada antes de verlo a los ojos y le preguntó: Ella empezó a decir: -Siendo mujer en esta época, estoy en una posición de pedirle a un hombre lo que yo sola no puedo hacer por mí. El hombre se le quedó viendo ¡Él claramente pensó que ella se estaba refiriendo al dinero! Ella rápido, sabiendo lo que él estaba pensando, dijo: -No me estoy refiriendo al dinero. Yo necesito algo más. El cruzó los brazos, se recargó en la silla y mirándola le pidió que le explicara... Ella dijo: -Yo busco a alguien que luche por la perfección mental, porque yo necesito a alguien con quien conversar y que me estimule mentalmente. Cuando terminó, ella lo vio a los ojos y él se veía muy confundido y con interrogantes. Él le dijo: -Estás pidiendo mucho. Ella le contestó: -Yo valgo mucho. ________________________________ ...and I speak for all the women when I say: "Who could had said it better?" -MT 7/31/2006 Hoy siento que me hago mucha falta
7/20/2006 I really really need...Oh God, help me please...
'Cause love hurts,
and forgeting's even harder.
How do you mend a broken heart,
where do you find the strenght,
the patience, and the willing.
Please God,
help me please.
And "Raining in Baltimore", that's exactly how I feel...
-MT
Raining in Baltimore This circus is falling down on its knees The big top is crumbling down It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east Where you should be, no one's around I need a phone call I need a raincoat I need a big love I need a phone call These train conversations are passing me by And I don't have nothing to say You get what you pay for But I just had no intention of living this way I need a phone call I need a plane ride I need a sunburn I need a raincoat And I get no answers And I don't get no change It's raining in Baltimore, baby But everything else is the same There's things I remember and things I forget I miss you I guess that I should Three thousand five hundred miles away But what would you change if you could? I need a phone call Maybe I should buy a new car I can always hear a freight train if I listen real hard And I wish it was a small world Because I'm lonely for the big towns I'd like to hear a little guitar I think it's time to put the top down I need a phone call I need a raincoat. 7/7/2006 Vida de mi vida, Eres tú...CENSURADO
Te veo, y veo todo lo que he querido y no ha podido ser. Veo un sueño frustrado...pero felíz de haber sido soñado.
Eres mi alegría. Con tus ojos limpios coloreas mi mundo,
con tu roce suave das ritmo a mis días,
una sola caricia tuya se convirtió en el baile más atrevido,
y tu voz, con ella dictaste mis sentimientos.
Cómo no haz de vivir en mi?
Alegría de mi vida que a cada momento te siento,
te llevo conmigo, te disfruto, te pienso.
Me diste la vida de vuelta con tu amor.
Dime? Cómo he de olvidarte?
Dame mil razones, para mi no serán válidas,
dame la eternidad por espera, que seguiré amándote.
Pero dame sólo un día más en tu vida, para quedarme junto a ti.
Joy of my life, everyday, you're the one who makes me sleep and the one who wakes me up.
Raising upon me with your love, you just grow bigger in my heart... ---sin terminar---
No he de esperar por las palabras
para que ellas dejen de ser superfluas,
prefiero decirte ahora,
prefiero hacer ahora,
todo lo que esté en mis manos
para que este sueño no sea un sueño,
quiero que ahora y siempre
sea nuestra realidad.
Te Amo...
---terminado---
-MT 6/26/2006 Endless, just words...Through the infinite world of words
I found this sketch
of an unfinished work.
Then I thought how could I ever
put it all back together
finding pieces of scrambled letters
ever written to no one,
or maybe to someone else better.
Maybe it was just a small racoon,
Uplifted bodies on zero gravity space,
laying upside down on the ground
that used to be mine and play when I was a child
and I had my very own storyteller guide.
Now that everything seems to be fading
I better should put my words back in place
before sunset comes mixing thoughts
with that bunch of dark clouds.
-No, don't take away my sun.
It's beautiful out there, don't you see it?
-No, I wouldn't appreciate any other ending.
-MT 6/13/2006 Up to date...I need to update myself...!!
...get reloaded from inspiration like the InspiRED episode, I need get back to work, to produce something goooood...I NEED TO SHOW SOMETHING....even my photos are old...
Come on brain!!! WORK WORK WORK !!! Eyes wide shut...As we stood in the darkness, we've never wanted to wake up...
With eyes wide shut I've loved you; Oh, so many times by now. A part of me keeps revealing into myself and the other just shuts me up.
No, this is not about you now just because I've createad a sort of feelings collage into this space, all pieces of me, you, all the ones who have stolen a bit of my heart.
Thinking about this all, I wonder where my scruples are? Maybe being young and silly won't justify this feeling forever. Would it? (...No)
BUT I'M SO ADDICTED TO YOU!!! I REALLY DON'T WAN'T TO WAKE UP...till I'm gone.
Meanwhile...I'm Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, you believed in superstition and then maybe you'd see the sings...  5/25/2006 I may take a holiday in Rome"Drive this little girl insane. Fly away to someone new..."
I'm constrained to do slash, dot, dash about me and you. It would be so much easier if I could allow myself to love you. But, do you really understand this???
It's funny to know that when regarding to you, I'm completly clueless. And so you've left this little girl without words.
Hey, but listen to this: I'm taking note. I'll wait for you over there and I'll look forward to your promise!!!
We might have a Holiday of our own. And guess what, I love you too. 3/27/2006 If I could love you freely...I dream, everytime I dream...
I dream, me and you traveling together, having the time of our lifes. I dream, having a week only for us, where I could love you freely...truly, madly and deeply.
Sometimes, sure I think you don't deserve me, but others, I just can't help feeling what I feel for you. Whatever it was what you did to me, it was successful. Your favorite word, uhu?
Sometimes I think I'm just in love of what you used to be. But, is it such a bad thing? knowing that person I love still exists?...for my own good, I adore you, but I don't understand why I can't get rid of you...
If I could love you freely...I'd tell you 'I Love You' as I used to do, once again...if I could.
Damn I'm sleepy... - over. The KissA kiss...a lovely trick to stop talking when words become superfluous.
Definitely, such addictive thing, the kiss; it can get you so high from bottom to the top. So high, you can touch the sky in a second (and sometimes, for a second only).
It has no time on your agenda, it has no special place to be given, and maybe, not even just one owner.
"That's always meant for us" someone said. The Kiss, the only way I can love you freely, is the bridge to your body I would like to cross everytime you offer your lips to me. Sadly, it seems to be locked most of the times; and me, I'm still too coward to jump the gate. 3/5/2006 I really really need...More than anything in my life, I want you back to me baby.
I don't know why I can't get rid of you, but surely I can't stop loving you.
You stole everything you touched in me, therefore, you stole me indeed.
My desperate lonely hearts needs it.'I need a big love' as Counting Crows sings.
More than anything in my life, I want my dreams to become true.
And you are a part of them too...at least, maybe someday I could love someone the way I love you by now.
I could get married, and spread my love all over my home, give you the welcome to our house with a nice italian dinner on the table, and a sexy wife waiting for you after a long working day.
Maybe I just could get that big white house on the cliff (as I've ever wanted) and be happy in my loft, without you in there. That could be a chance...but, I guess there's nothing bad with having dreams, right? and specially, with trying to make them true!
I don't know either, why I always write (directly to you) as if you would even read it.
Sad, so sad. Please answer to me, there are so many things I want to know yet.
Tonight, I just....would like so many things to write them all.
Come to Europe with me baby, the air ain't bad they say.
2/25/2006 When you came back homeIt's true, pictures steal your soul away...
I look at a picture, and I remember. So many things that I remember.
But so specially that time, when you came back home, just to tell me...to tell me that I was beautiful.
You took that picture with you, and saved it in your wallet, I thought maybe you'd save it in your heart, and I felt you took away my soul too...and my heart in deed.
I always remember, when you came back home...and actually, I didn't care that much what you said, but what you did, and why you did it. We were so in loved. There were sparkles in my eyes, but you used to be the most brighting one, and still.
I wish so badly you would come back home again. I'll keep looking at that picture still, and I'll know, it was you who made me look so beautiful, you kept me happy, and still...but why, I can't resign to you? 2/19/2006 The next few lines are directed at you...I'VE FOUND JACK JOHNSON...!!
2/10/2006 Design, by Robert FrostFrost's Earlier Version of "In White"
I found a dimpled spider, fat and white,
On a white heal-all, holding up a moth Like a white piece of rigid satin cloth -- Assorted characters of death and blight
Mixed ready to begin the morning right,
Like the ingredients of a witches' broth --
A snow-drop spider, a flower like a froth,
And dead wings carried like a paper kite.
What had that flower to do with being white,
The wayside blue and innocent heal-all?
What brought the kindred spider to that height,
Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
What but design of darkness to appall? -- If design govern in a thing so small.
Robert Frost
2/3/2006 Photography >> My new year's resolution...Inspiration No.2...
"I'm out with my camera everyday"
As I read this through one of my common visits to different web pages for inspiration, I decided to take my new 'very appreciated' camera with me, out to everywhere! since now. I love photography, and I wish I could become a really good professional photographer someday...
It is...everywhere. That special moment you constantly look to catch for; when you're on your car driving, looking through the window and you find that special spot, a ruined little house with a bunch of clothes on the rack fluttering up and down 'cause the wind, amazingly placed on the corner of the street you just past, remarkably flanked from side to side for spectacular modern buildings...just picture it!
Have you ever noticed how you can take a picture about everything? Have you even noticed just once, that every single thing has its own rythm, its own personality to show itself to us. Across every corner you find a new character to take a photograph of...Imagine, you're on your way home, it's early in the morning going through the back alley you rarely take, and suddenly, it's there! A landscape, a big black lockgate placed to your right, a political red grafitti written on the white wall of the left, and the main ingredient...there you find a fat man showing off his sumptuos belly sitting on a bench -his trown- devouring an exotic mango for breakfast. And it lasted only a second, next time you see, the picture disappeared and it vanished in the air meanwhile you already crossed the corner. Such a shame, a Kodak Moment!, and no camera in your hands, I'll always regret that picture never taken.
Sometimes, I enter to a place, I begin to take part of a moment, only that's not me, nor my eyes who are watching. All of a sudden, inside my mind my view is no loger a physical sense, my perception comes to act like the zooming lens of camera and all I can think is: perfect lighting!, movement!, shadows!, colors and shapes! and finally all I see is...black & white!
It's a passion, to record things in time, into a piece of paper, for all the eternity it can last. I just...love pics!
Inspiration...[.........]
Blank space for future references. I'm looking for...INSPIRATION! |
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